Self-Love

Can I Be Real With You?

Who Am I?

 

I am ME! I am a being that was placed here to grow!

Have I gone through hardships? Abso- freaking- lutely! My time here has not been easy, but if it was it would not have served me right? I came here to love, learn, and heal! I write my story today with a heavy heart, but also so much compassion, gratitude, and strength in recognition of who I am!

I am boundless and here to make a change in the world; to give those who are different like me a voice, a place to shine, and feel safe! I am here to break apart ordinary!

My Story….

I started off my life with blinders; happy, playing, and not seeing what was going on around me.

To be honest, I struggle becoming this vulnerable and sharing my story. I have stopped typing multiple times, but I keep reminding myself this is important to share! I do not want to identify with my trauma and the fear weighs on me that people hearing it will pity me, think I am sharing it for the wrong reasons, or judge me. I am human and I do feel these emotions, but what makes me strong is that I am doing it anyways. I am sharing my story for all those people struggling to find self-love and strength, struggling to believe in themselves, and needing a hand to hold for support to keep going!

So here goes. This is me, RAW!!

As a child, I had a lot of love from my family, played, had adventures, and developed memories that we of happy times. Lurking in the shadows of my mind was the other side of my reality though; fear, shame, feeling different, and the unspoken truth of “walking on egg shells,” or “playing the game” to please those closest. I hold memories that fill my eyes with tears of times I was not allowed to speak my truth, shamed for my personality, went against the grain, or was so scared I shook.

As I got older, “rebellion” grew stronger and relationships became harder. I kept family and friends at a distance due to the anger I felt over my parent’s divorce, the childhood memories that were not so happy, and the fake smile I felt I had to hold often when around others.

The saying of “looking for love in all the wrong place” rang more true in my life into my teenage years. I fell into abusive relationships, eventually landing me in times of abuse, bruises, brainwashing, rape, lack of self-esteem, zero self- love and even trying to escape my life by being in a constant daze. I fell into the wrong crowds and my life took and unexpected turn.

I found myself being chased down the street by a current boyfriend terrified about what would happen if he caught me. I knew this was rock bottom. This was never where I expected my life to go. I found myself at the bottom of a pill bottle that night.

As I write this encounter of my past, I am in disbelief. It seems so distant and I consciously don’t believe this could have been me, but the feelings are real. This was me. I own this part of me now, but it has taken a long time. I also want to mention obviously there were happy times in my life up to this far, but this is about what was underneath all those happy times that got me this far. This is about the vulnerable truth about what was really happening as my life slipped through my fingers.

 I woke up in the hospital.

I had a choice and was at a true fork in the road. This had to be the new beginning because I could not get any lower. I had dropped out of school at this point and entered into an Intensive Outpatient Program. This is a place of deep therapy and a daily program for weeks.

Although it had its ups and downs, I feel so fortunate I had the ability to take a year and focus on true, authentic me I had pushed down for so many years.

My journey continued with immersing in personal development and any healing I could find. This time was truly my saving grace and turning point. I was introduced to a Spiritual Coach (Now I want to mention in full transparency, I did not believe in anything Spiritual or Religion wise due to my past experiences, but I felt what harm could it do at this point). I completed my first session with this coach and I was blown away. How could she know things about me I didn’t share? How could she feel what was happening with me? I had to know more. I continued working with her, started meditating, engaged in traditional therapy, saw my horse daily, and adopted my cat. My life was changing! I was creating a life I liked.

I went back to school and pursued a Bachelor’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling, began traveling more to immerse in different cultures, and began working with all different coaches practicing all sorts of healing modalities. Through this, I started studying, learning to feel energy, communicate with animals, read physical bodies, and channel with higher powers.

I fell in love with learning about people! Throughout my own journey, I always volunteered. I have been volunteering since I was 13 years old. I dove into volunteering even deeper at this point, to learn and help people in every walk of life I could imagine. I learned from people in situations of Domestic Violence, Sex Abuse, Homeless, Veterans, Involuntary Psychiatric, Voluntary Psychiatric, Inmates, and more, both perpetrators as well as victims. I tried to truly connect with people to learn what people NEED! I believe when one of us grows, we all grow!

As I continued learning through experience and coaches, I also finished my Degree in Human Services for Mental Health Counseling. As I graduated, I felt the way to help is to use my background in schooling, experiences with all the diverse populations, my own journey, and the spiritual practices I had studied was to start my own coaching business which brings me to where I am now with having an amazing coaching business with amazing clients!

Looking back at my journey, I know there is so much I missed which is unavoidable when recounting so many years. I am not able to share all my gratitude for each person that helped me grow in such a short account of my life to this point, but everyone I came into contact with taught me something! Many people believed in me, helped me, cheered me on, and most importantly they accepted me through thick and thin!

This is why I am here able to do what I do now and why I am sharing my story. I want to empower as many lives as I can! I want to help you know you are worthy, are here to shine, and have the power to create your life!

I love that you are here, no matter how you may feel or how your life currently looks, know you can change it! I believe everything happens for a reason and although we may never know the reason, it happened so embrace your story!

Share your story! It can give someone listening the courage to take a step!

I appreciate you giving me the space to share my story and I hope this sheds light that no circumstances can hold you back!

Sending you so much love today! Please feel free to reach out with any questions or comments! I want to know you!

Life is about CONNECTIONS, so let’s connect!

This is my story and I am proud to be who I am; you can be too!

 

 

 

 

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